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August 17 Fun Things To Do...Got this lot in an email, put it in to several boxes to make it easier to view and to take up less space on the page... Fun things to do in a public elevator! 1. When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment. 9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15. Swat at flies that don't exist. 16. Tell people that you can see their aura. 17. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it. 18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19. Open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". Things To Do when Your Bored At Home 1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police. 2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronise them. 3. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a nice, quiet cuddle--SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready for action when they return. 4. Sit on the front porch with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense. Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a tooth black beforehand. 5. Hide in the bushes near your mailbox and wait for the mailman to arrive. When he reaches for the mailbox, scream as loud as you can. If he tries again, scream again. 6. Report a robbery to the police. When they arrive and ask what was stolen, reply "Only my heart," and give them a long, warm hug. 7. If you live in an apartment, continually tap Morse code for "SOS" on the neighbours' walls. If they come to your door, deny any knowledge of the signals. Continue tapping once they leave. 8. Search for secret passages. 9. Turn everyone's clothes inside out, and carefully put them back in place. 10. Explore your sexuality using other people's toothbrushes. 11. Superglue all of the furniture to the ceiling. Oh, sure, it may take you over 3 days of solid hard labour, but boy, imagine the looks on their faces! 12. Establish a permanent fort in the main TV room of the house. Refer to it as "Control Base Alpha". Store food supplies and ammunition in there. 13. Drink! 14. Set up whoopie cushions around the house. Offend yourself. 15. Grab the walking lead for your dog and yell "WALKIES!” (or whatever gets your dog excited); then put the lead back, sit down, and watch TV. 16. Rummage through the darkest corner of the freezer with your eyes shut. Eat the first thing you grab. 17. Gather up all the spare change hidden behind the couch, chairs, and bed frames. Throw it at passing cars. 18. Go through the history and cache of each computer in the house. Take notes for blackmailing purposes. 19. Zip yourself up in the bean bag, staying as still as possible. When people return and someone sits on you, yell "TUBBS McGRAVITY!" 20. Discover which storage spaces your cat fits into. Fun things to do in the Office 1. Run one lap around the office at top speed 2. Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) 3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you 4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" 5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. 6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" 7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" 8. Walk sideways to the photocopier. 9. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. 10. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers 11. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it" 12. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice) 13. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight). 14. Shout random numbers while someone is counting. 15. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). 16. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times. 17. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'. 18. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two". 19. After every sentence, say 'Mon'(man) in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour. 20. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator. 21. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!" 22. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness; I'll never go hungry again". 23. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights". 24. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?" 25. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now" 26. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it" 27. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go. 28. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call. 29. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. 30. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out. 31. Rollerblade around the floor throwing sweets 32. Always leave the photocopier set to reduce 200%, extra dark, A5 paper and for 99 copies. 33. Practice making fax and modem noises. 34. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 35. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make "croaking" noises. 36. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 37. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait I messed it up" and repeat. 38. Ask people what gender they are. 39. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. In Class 1. when the teacher leaves, run around tagging people saying your it! 2. wad up small pieces of toilet paper. and then spit them at your teacher. when she asked who did it say "I've got diarrhoea!" 3. turn off the TV during boring movies 4. when the teacher calls on you refuse to answer 5. at your new school repeat swear words and when the teacher gets mad tell everyone that you can't help your torrents Things to Do on an Aeroplane 1. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it 2. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar 3. Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, announce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places 4. Run down the aisle screaming, "He's got a bomb! He's got a bomb!" 5. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed 6. Fly into a rage whenever the word "Gallstone" is mentioned 7. "Accidental" soda spill on the dork next to you. 8. Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preparation H to your haemorrhoids 9. Tap at the windows, saying "Looks pretty tough" then ask someone if they have a bat you could use to test. 10. Speak in an extremely rubbish Australian accent and keep saying Australian quotes like, "throw anuva prawn on the barby" or sing Skippy the kangaroo and when the person next to you tells you to shut up because you're not Australian call him prejudice. 11. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends 12. Give someone a coin, saying "Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I don't" 13. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!" 14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you 15. Try to lead plane in song "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner" 16. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers 17. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers 18. Moon passing Delta planes 19. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane 20. Start a hot dog stand 21. Steal businessman's laptop, play solitaire on it 22. Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes 23. During the in-flight movie, ask to share headphones with someone 24. When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud 25. When there's any nudity, say "Hey! He/she must be real cold!" 26. Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon 27. With the person next to you, discuss cannibalism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands 28. Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning 29. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you 30. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni 31. Show off your Batman underwear 32. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only) 33. Switch accents and see if anyone notices 34. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers 35. Sneak into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm 36. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die 37. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head 38. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger 39. Go into the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says "e" 40. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice "Why do they call it the COCKpit?" then snort as if it's the funniest thing in the world 41. Don't use deodorant, then "accidentally" stick your armpit in someone's face 42. Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to cover it 43. Listen to James Brown on your Walkman, sing along (especially the "Oooh Oooh" parts) 44. Snort when you laugh 45. Tell corny jokes and laugh like it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same 46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices 47. Sing that irrupting song that starts like this "I lost my car on the rooooooaaddd an' I'm cryin' over yooooouuuu...." 48. Recite all you can of the last Ann Landers column 49. Hum the Monty Python theme song 50. Act like a movie star 51. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason 52. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling "Yeee-ha!" 53. With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say "Nevermind. Do you have any towels?" 54. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show 55. Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!" 56. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra 57. Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think they're Kevin Costner or Goldie Hawn (This works best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question) 58. Start talking Korean 59. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off 60. Pretend you're flying the plane 61. With a fellow passenger, Re-enact the disco scene in "Airplane!" 62. Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong to a biker gang 63. Take over the plane with a toy gun 64. Yell to someone "Is it time to hijack the plane yet?” (Note: Do this when there are stewardesses there) 65. To the person next to you, say "It's amazing that they didn't notice the grenade in my luggage 66. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested) 67. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!" 68. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing. 69. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!" 70. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!" 71. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL NOW! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight. 72. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault. 73. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes. 74. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!". 75. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects. 76. Enthral your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot. 77. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.' 78. Streak. 79. Occasionally scream........ loudly. 80. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!” Sit down like nothing has happened. 81. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?" 82. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?" 83. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?" 84. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built. 85. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?" 86. If you're flying first class, make sure to sit behind someone. When that person is sleeping, grab your motion sickness bag and vomit in it. After you do that, hold the bag in the air and then pop it on the person. See what happens...... Comments (12)
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